F I N A L L Y.
I slide into the embrace of sheets
Sigh, Exhale deeply.
Day is done.
I know she ate enough.
Will she go back to sleep?
I remember an intended task undone,
a promise unfulfilled
to do list comes into focus, in the dark.
Guilt settles in
My beloved’s rhythmic sounds of sleep,
a child’s hand on my arm, mommy, I’m afraid
familiar regular cramping returns
hot flashes follow
reminding me again;
I am woman.
My Maker, my Lord,
when I sit down and when I rise up;
you see me here, in this bed,
needing sleep for the work you have given me.
You know my path and my lying down
and are acquainted with all my ways.*
Lord, You are
the same yesterday today and forever.*
It is I who change,
Your constancy is my need.
Give me grace
to adjust to undesired frequent sleep interruptions,
to know Your peace because mine is insufficient.
Help me surrender
to these small momentary trials,
because You are with me.
a thousand sleepless nights
is what it takes to know you’re near?**
To know Your nearness…ah…
yes, satisfy me with Your Presence.
Jesus my Shepherd
Lead me, keep me, feed me
rest, in You.
*Psalm 139:3, Hebrews 13:8
**Laura Story lyrics
Interrupted sleep has been a companion of mine for most of my married years. And it is true for most women of all ages and stages of life.
I have been angry that my husband can sleep through anything, but I learned anger only made falling sleep even more difficult. I’ve memorized verses to repeat when I’m awake at night. Though there is great value in memorizing Scripture, repeating many words never seemed to keep my mind from wandering to other things once my brain neurons were firing. Another tactic I’ve tried is to sing praise songs to turn my mind away from its tendency to worry and work in those sleepless hours. It is a good discipline, but not a guaranteed off-switch for wakefulness.
I have found no solution other than this: give thanks in all things and talk to God. If this is a dilemma for you too, ask God to make the minutes or hours count as you trust Him, waiting for sleep to arrive. All of life is learning to trust and rest in Him as a child.
Knowing God is with me as I lie awake, remembering He sees and knows and understands is a great comfort and gives me peace.
One day this small struggle will be no more for He promises us all eternal rest. However, I doubt I will be catching up on sleep in heaven, for there will be no night there, and there will be so much to discover I won’t want to sleep!
May you learn with me to rest in His presence, giving thanks in all things.