When God Asks You to Do Something You Don’t Want to Do

1-16-17

Dear Barbara, I’m struggling right now. I really feel God asking me to do something that sounds too hard. Honestly, I don’t want to obey. Why would He do that? How can I negotiate? 

Dear Friend,

It’s scary isn’t it? I’ve wondered the same.

After an exhausting week wrangling five relentless children, I started feeling a little off. It’s sleep; I need more sleep, I thought. A short rest during their down time didn’t help at all. It’s food; I need a snack, I thought.  An apple dipped in peanut butter might help, but it didn’t. Something wasn’t right.

I didn’t want to admit it, but my mind began to panic. I had Dennis pick up a pregnancy test on the way home from work. I cried for three days when I discovered the answer. It wasn’t off I was feeling. I was pregnant.

“God, I don’t want to do this again!” God was asking me, telling me, making me be a mother for a sixth time. Really? I felt I had obeyed God enough with my womb, pregnancy was difficult for me, and I wanted my body back. Five was what we’d agreed to. Happily we were done, all baby gear sold at a garage sale. I was free!

But now God was asking me to die to self. Again.

Several years earlier, God asked me to do something else I didn’t want to do. With His characteristic gentle whisper to my heart, He asked me to shelve my art supplies and my dreams of painting for commission. Instead, He wanted me to invest my energy and talent cooperatively with Him in creating beauty in my children. It was a death to self. I wasn’t sure God would ever return my paints, but I knew He knew what was best for me.  In my obedience, I trusted His love and plan for my life.

It was hard to put my desires aside. I couldn’t imagine why He’d tell me to box up those hopes and stuff them on the shelf. Bury my talents? But I did it anyway.

At first, in both of these seasons, I saw only what I was missing, what had been taken away. Death is like that. The loss of a dream or a hope brings grief, which must be acknowledged. No sense pretending we are always happy about God’s plans and His impeccable timing that never seems to match mine.

I focused on life not going the way I wanted it to. I grieved not getting what I had planned.  But then I reminded myself of what I knew to be true about God. He loved me and was at work in my life for good…always for good. Philippians tells us, “for He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion…”(1:6). I chose to trust my Father in Heaven who rules with wisdom and purpose.

I know it’s true for me because it has been true throughout time. It’s perfectly illustrated in a Bible story most of us know. Jesus was walking along and noticed a man who was blind from birth. I love that Jesus saw him when the man couldn’t see Jesus to even know He was near. He sees us too when we aren’t looking for Him.

John 9:2 tells us the disciples’ first thought was whose fault is his blindness?  Don’t we do that too? We see a handicapped child and wonder about the mother’s pre-natal care or their home life. How many times do you think the blind man’s mother secretly wondered what she had done to cause and deserve this?

She’d been heartbroken and afraid at his birth, yet with the tender compassion God has given us women she reached for her newborn son, holding him near, consoling his baby cries. Like us, she experienced a death as she received this gift of God to her.

Jesus answered for all of us who have had expectations dashed, ‘It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him.’”

Thirty-eight years this man lived blind. Thirty-eight years his parents suffered this loss. Thirty-eight years puts it in perspective. Why would God ask me to do something I didn’t want to do? Why would I choose to obey anyway? When it felt uncomfortable. When it felt inconvenient. When it felt impossible.

Because the work that God wants to do in us is always heart work. And always He has purposes and plans we cannot see or know.

The question for me and all of us is: Will we trust Him?

Years of living have taught me that the unexpected is always an opportunity to experience more of who God is. When I finally stop focusing on my losses, and there have been many, I’m ready to see God begin to work His higher purposes.

My pregnancy with baby six was not easy, just as I’d feared. My feelings were all over the map in those months, too. But feelings are not the end, dear friend. Feelings are fair and valid. But feelings, too, must be surrendered to God’s design and direction.

When I took my eyes off myself and glanced up, I saw a good God, a safe God I can give my yes to, no matter what He’s calling me to. And you can too.

Instead of groaning over my lot in life and comparing it away, I can do as Jesus commanded Peter in John 21. Jesus had just given Peter the responsibility of feeding His sheep, and Peter’s response was “But Lord, what about this man?” implying, what does HE have to do for you?? Jesus gently replied, “What is it to you? You follow me!”

Let’s fix our eyes on Jesus. Let’s run hard and fast, courageously toward what He asks us to do. Let’s just trust that God knows what He’s doing, and chose to embrace it by faith.  

And by the way, baby number six, though a sinner like us, has been a delight since the day God gave her to us. His ways are best.

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71 thoughts on “When God Asks You to Do Something You Don’t Want to Do”

  1. I’m a newish believer and feel like god has called me to give up something that means the world to me. I honestly feel like God could care less about anything that I care about and I feel like giving it up is/will be the biggest mistake/regret of my life. How do you deal with the feeling like following God is being in an abusive relationship?

    1. I feel like God is asking me to do something that I find very difficult to do. I love God and I do not want to displease him. I am not saying that I am perfect or that I have lived a perfect life. I have made mistakes, which I regret but, in many ways, I have tried to please god. I am in my mid 40s and still a virgin. As much as I wanted to have a relationship, I never wanted to have sex outside of marriage. I have never been married. Now I feel that god is asking me to marry a man who is old enough to be my father. This person and I attend the same church. I do not want this relationship. I know that this man does because many years ago when he recently retired and started coming to the church I attend, he indicated his interest and indicated my lack of interest. I was probably in my late 20s or early 30s at that time.I stopped talking to him. Eventually, I forgave him, and I started talking to him again.
      I respected this man as an elder in the church. He has even been helpful to me. I thought he was helping me out of the kindness of his heart. However, I have since realised this was not the case. He is still interested but I am not nor, do I want to be. But I feel that God is trying to tell me this is the man he wants me to be with. I DO NOT WANT THIS RELATIONSHIP. I feel repulsed, rejected and hurt. I do not want to displease God, but I cannot understand why he would ask something like this of me. I am not saying this man is a bad person. But this is not someone that I would want to have this kind of relationship with. I Feel angry, I feel hurt, I feel scared (what would happen to me if I do not submit to God’s will, will he punish me, will God make me desire this man). I know that men my age do not want to have relationships with women my age. Men prefer younger women. But I find this so unfair. I have read the Bible and I can’t recall women getting to choose the men they wanted to be with. The Bible makes it seem that women are supposed to be the “sacrificial lamb”. Our purpose is to satisfy a man’s pleasure. If he sees you and he wants you then he will have you. We have no say. This is very hard for me to do. This terrifies me among other things. I much rather live the rest of my life alone. But it also terrifies me to displease go. Help me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What am I supposed to do? I feel that God is calling me but if I do not do what he wants me to do, he is going to punish me. This consumes me day and night and is negatively affecting me in many ways.

      1. Dear Su,

        Thank you for writing and sharing your dilemma. Your question is complex but briefly I want to say marriage is intended to be between two who are both desirous of the union, both believing God has called them to it. Yes God does sometimes call us to things we aren’t initially interested in, but He gently brings us along to the place where we see and understand and want His good will for us. Based on what you’ve written you aren’t at that place of mutually wanting this relationship. And I believe until God gives you the desire to marry this man you shouldn’t marry him.
        As you know marriage is for life and it’s not to be entered into under duress or obligation. Pressure from this man or from members of your church are not indicators of God’s will. It’s more important for you to listen to the voice of God’s Spirit to your heart and follow what you believe He is leading even if it’s in contradiction to what everyone else thinks. May you know His leading clearly.

      2. I am in your EXACT situation right now, Su. This article made me cry and to read your comment shocked me because I thought I was alone. What did you end up doing, Su?

    2. everything works out for good to those that love the Lord. trust God an believe that what h is telling you to let go is for your own good and that he will give you better in Jesus mighty name .

  2. Yuri Zevallos

    When I run into this article I was trying to find encouragement to do or an excuse not to do what I felt God wanted me to do. I’m 30 years old, my father pass away when I was 18, and I felt the need to find acceptance from men, I walked away from the Lord and I got into so many relationships that led me to two pregnancies, two abortions, I was abused and I had a miscarriage, as a result I’ve been hardly living, all the shame and guilt have being eating me alive. But Jesus came to my rescue. One day I went to visit my family in Peru and a friend told me about a dating app, so when I return to USA I created my profile and had a match, I pray to God, that this time I don’t run into another bad man or a self destructive relation and God had mercy on me and allowed me to meet the man that will bring me to God and to be honest we were two broken mess up people. He was recently divorce, doubting that I could be able to love him, but God gave me the power to love him more than I was loving myself, I helped him and he helped me. We had issues that made me feel that I was paying for all the horrible things I did in the past, I pray God to give me strength because I didn’t want to face more trails, I was DONE suffering and I pray many times please God take my life because I don’t have the courage to kill myself. But of course God didn’t do the easy job, he pushed me to speak up and seek for help, so I did, I cried for help at church one day that my husband was in the hospital detoxing and the Pastor told me He needed to go Dunklin a Christian Recovery Training Program for drugs and alcohol for 11 months, my husband did’t want, but God provided all the help and support, so he went. God has being changing his mind, he has giving him a new heart. God is loving me through my husband. I’m deeply grateful for my husband’s sacrifice trying to become the man God created him to be.
    But now, I want as ironic as it sound to be a mom, I also feel God is telling me to share my testimony about my past abortions, the biggest step of faith was sharing it with my husband, he prayed for me and told me to do inner healing which I will start next month, but I feel I’m not ready to share, I’m so afraid of what the people might think about me. Should I wait until I do inner-healing? Should I wait until God make a miracle and allow me to be a mom? I’m confuse.

    1. Barbara Rainey

      Dear Yuri — You’ve had quite a journey and I’m proud of you for wanting to please God with your life. When God tells us to do something, like share your story, He doesn’t always mean we have to do it instantly. So the next step is to tell Him how you feel about it and ask Him when and where and then leave it with Him.
      And if you do share your story it should be for His pleasure and His glory not for people. So remember He is watching and is the One to please. That will help you not worry about what people listening may think or say. Thanks for sharing your story with me!

    2. Dear Yuri,
      Thank you for sharing your story here. Just reading that gave me hope. I can relate to everything you’ve been through. Right now I’m with a man that I love dearly, he helped me find God. But he is divorced, and never recovered. He was an addict, but God took his addiction. Now I’m not sure if God wants us to stay together. I love him so much, but he doesn’t love me back. I’m praying that God will change his heart and help him let go of the past so that he will see me and love me as i love him. I don’t know what God has planned for me next. As of right now I have to have faith and patience.

      1. Dear Andrea and Barbara, thank you for your kind words. All I know is that our father is the Lord of the impossible, he is changing my husband and he is changing me, I’m confident now, I used to be full of insecurities and toxic thoughts, but God has delivered me from all those chains, WE NEED TO PUT ON HIS FULL ARMOR and trust that if we remain obedient we will live an amazing life here on earth and of course in heavens. All I can say is keep up your peace and patience, ask god, JOURNAL, have quite time with your father and ask him if this man is the man that is going to love you like GOD loves you. He is a loving father, all he wants is your happiness and husbands have to be the angels God uses to love on us unconditionally.

  3. Hi, I’m 25 and I just googled and came to this article I think I’m being called go quit my job and travel doing ministry but I afraid and I don’t have the money it would take to sustain me plus my faith walk hasn’t been strong in
    two years…anyway after reading I subscribed so thank you for sharing this

    1. Wow, I’m getting the same thing. He’s asking me to rely on my talents to earn money and not get a job. To remain self employed. But as a mom of three I prefer steady income. So I keep going back and forth with God. This is a hard place to be.

    2. Thank you dor writing this article. I came across it at a needed time and didn’t find much im relation to the subject.

      I have been asked to write novels by God. For the past four years I struggled with confidence and belief. I keep resisting Him because I wonder how could God use me when I feel so utterly worthless.

      I’m divorced and so overwhelming lonely. How can anyone love me when I failed before. I have struggled with depression and self destructive behaviors.

      God keeps telling me how he loves me and this is plan for me. I desire a wife and children and feel that life is passing me by at age 36. I recently learned my ex remarried a year ago and it hurts that I’m still in the same place in my life I was four years ago. It greatly helped knowing that God at age 38 helped the blind man.

      I’m always asking God “Why me? Why did you ask me to do this, and what about the desires of my heart?”

      God has repeatly said: “Because you are willing to do my will. Trust my plan”

      1. Casey,
        No I never quit my job for ministry. My job was my marriage and my children. And both were ministries. Significant ones. As has been said, your closest neighbor, as Jesus mentioned in the great commandment, is your husband and then your children.

        But I did do other ministry along with my primary ministry to my family as time allowed. And now in my empty nest years I’m working almost full time in the ministry to others that God has given. But even today if my kids need me and I can meet those needs I will drop what I’m currently working on and eagerly help and serve them.

  4. I have a form of Autism called Asperger Syndrome. For the longest time, I did not want to get married or have kids because it would make my mental health worse and I wouldn’t be able to hold down a job.

    I fear that God may be calling me to marriage and children and it’s so stressful that I lose sleep over it and affects my job performance. I keep hearing I should ask a particular woman out but I have no desire to have a girlfriend.

    Honestly, being a husband and father would be the worst thing that ever happened to me. I don’t think I could go on a date without losing my temper. I’m not sure what to do.

    1. Hi, Aaron.

      My name is Bev. I was asked to reply on behalf of Barbara. Thanks for taking the time to comment. I have read quite a bit about Asperger’s and have worked with people with autism. I am not an expert but I found a few resources to suggest for you.

      I do believe that seeing a counselor first would be wise to help you sort out the anxieties that you are feeling. The last thing you want to do is get involved in a relationship when you feel forced to. I don’t believe God would do that to you. However, He probably wants to help you overcome your anxiety. Maybe someday you would feel differently, but that’s something you should do when you feel that you have the freedom to choose and you want it.

      Anyway, here are a few resources:
      The Complete Guide to Asperger’s Syndrome

      What Men with Asperger Syndrome Want to Know About Women, Dating and Relationships

      Resources for those with Asperger’s syndrome

      The above resources are not from a Christian perspective as far as I know. I would suggest that you also contact Focus on the Family and ask them for their thoughts as well. They offer a free one-time consultation by professional counselors. Here’s the link:
      Focus on the Family Counseling/Referrals

      I would also like to pray for you.

      Heavenly Father,
      Thank You for bringing Aaron to our website. I thank You that You are a good Father and you don’t force us to do anything. I pray that You would reveal how much You love Aaron. I ask that You would bring healing in every area of his life. Guide and direct his steps because I know that You have a good plan for his life. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.

      Blessings,

      Bev Cooper

    2. Last December I was reading posts in a prayer group on Facebook. I came across one that said to pray for her friend and her friends husband that they were going to be evicted. She asked if anyone would like to help them out, she would appreciate it and she hoped it would show them Gods love… I decided to comment that if everyone in the group gave $1.00, that would be like $1,000.00. I said if half of us could give a few dollars they could probably pay their rent… So I thought about what I was going to give and was going back and forth in my mind. I thought $50, $100, 150..? Then i thought $800. But I really wasnt sure if it was my thought or God giving me that thought because it came out of nowhere. Then I was thinking… did I think that myself? Long story short. I didnt send $800. Well that has haunted me. I think I may have let God down. I think I may have over thought it and I questioned it. At the time, i had around $800 in my savings account. If you think God is telling you to do something, do it!!!

  5. Thank you for the encouragement. God has called my husband to a job with lots of risk little money and a lot of moving (from my very attached family and hometown). I’m 1 year in at a new town with 3 tiny children and I’m lonely and miserable and confused why following God hurts so much. I miss my mom and friends and comfortable life so much. I love God I love him so much. I can see God’s protection and clear calling on my husband but I look down a projected life of sorrow and sacrifice from me and I’m overcome by it

    1. My sister in Christ. James 1:2-5
      Summary: Christians are to be joyful when various trials come because for Christians there is always more than just the “trial” going on. At the Spiritual Level God is examining you; holding you up to the light. Examining the quality of your faith. Which can only be examined by going through “trials”. When all this is going on remain steady under pressure. Patience (endurance) cannot be produced any other way. Patience (endurance) leads to stability; not losing it in the face of “trials”. That is the mark of a true Christian.

      Choosing to be a follower of Christ, this way of life, considers trials a cause for joy because through these things God matures and strengthens and perfects each individual believer. This maturing spiritual condition produces peace and confidence in the inner man or woman. Example: I’ve been through this before. I know what it’s like. I can do this. *Peace and Confidence* I pray that your faith endures and you are strengthened. Count it all joy, God is examining your faith. I pray He finds you accepted. Show Him you love Him by your actions….PS..God separates the sheep from the goats..the separation is going on now.

  6. Hello, I need help knowing if this is of God or if I’m pushing my will. Here’s the issue :
    My daughter is not in the position to care for her kids due to her own doing. Which has caused me great anger. She has a 2 and 3 year old and pregnant with a third. I have been there from day one. I’m basically the other parent. They have lived with me for most of their lives and I have provided for them. I don’t sleep and recently lost my job. My body aches and I’m exhausted all of the time. Two weeks ago I stepped in and took the kids as they were not safe. Now, I’m being faced with raising two kids again. I was a single mom of two my entire adult life and was looking forward to having a life. I just finished raising my kids and now without a break I’m looking at starting over. I love these girls with all my heart but I don’t think I can do this again. They are acting out in ways I don’t understand and they need a lot of help. I will need to work and will not have the quality time they need. There isn’t anyone else in the family that can do this. If I don’t then they will go into foster care. I’m concerned that because they are acting out in tantrums, urinating the floor, throwing food, yelling through the night, etc that a foster family will not understand and may potentially harm them.

    1. Barbara Rainey

      Dear Jennie,
      Thank you for writing. First I need to say I have no training in the situation you described. So know that these comments are simply a place to start. I would strongly suggest you find someone who can coach and guide you step by step in this very complex situation. Someone in your church who has connections with the foster care system or has experience dealing with parents who neglect kids. There are some amazing foster families in this country so I wouldn’t assume the worst about all of them, though I do understand your serious concern.
      I hope you are a praying woman because I’d also strongly suggest you find one or two other women to commit to pray for you and for these girls and your daughter. God loves these girls more than you and He wants them to have a healthy stable home life as much or more than you do. Go to Him and pray without ceasing for HIs wisdom, guidance and provision.
      Our will pray for you and for the girls.
      We’d love to hear what God does one day.

      1. Thank you for your response.I am a praying woman. However, my prayer life has been shaken for the past year as I’ve grieved the sudden death of my little brother. That’s another story. I have been walking with the Lord for far too long and know better. I will commit more time to prayer and study, especially about this. I just don’t want to do what I think is the right thing to do and it be outside of His will for me. I also don’t want to miss it because I don’t want to do this. I understand that usually He calls us to do the things we don’t want to do or are incapable of doing without Him. I feel that’s what’s happening but I need confirmation so that I’m not throwing myself into something not for me. There is a lot at stake here.

  7. This post really spoke to me this morning. I have been contemplating a lot of things and the Lord finally revealed the answer to me and I hated what he said. But now I know that all things worketh for the good of those who love God! Thank you for your post.

  8. My situation was different. I was in a sinful relationship, I knew it was wrong, but I disobeyed God and found myself in a pit of sin and misery. I ignored God and I thought I could just do what I wanted to do. Well God allowed me to be shown time and time again that it was not where I was supposed to be. Exactly 11 days ago I did what God had been asking me to do, I let go and repented of all my sins, and now I am working day by day to live in His will for my life. What a feeling to be free from sin! Thank you God!

    1. I have recently left a sinful relationship. I am hurting for the friendship and the life that I thought was my future. I know I did the right thing by ending it, but ow do you deal with the pain?

      1. Ronni,
        Thank you for writing so honestly and truthfully. I’m proud of you for doing the right thing and God is pleased even more, so rest in His pleasure. As to your pain, your decision was much like a surgery, cutting off something unhealthy, so like a surgery it will take time to heal. Use the healing time to keep running to Jesus. It can be a time for deep and lasting growth with Him.

    2. ltcwalker1 GOD'S child

      I’m in the same situation and I want God’s will to line up for my life. I just can’t let go right now. It’s hard!!!

  9. I think God wants me to help someone that I don’t want to help. I brought it upon myself because I volunteered last year out of a desire to be near this person that I said I wanted to be used as an instrument to help this person in their journey with Christ. Then I started to think God wanted me away from this person which made sense because this person hurt me and it’s only natural to want to send your child away from someone who hurts them, right? But now it seems my call to action is getting closer and God has been sending me a new message. I contemplated the idea coming from me and it not being truly God’s desire. I contemplated it being Satan and it not being truly God’s desire. Still, I can’t seem to escape the feeling that God wants me to do something and is slowly guiding me towards what. I still want someone to say it’s not true but something inside me says it’s almost time to pay up on what I volunteered to do. In a way, I do want to help, but I feel reluctant like “why me? isn’t there a more qualified individual for this? isn’t there someone closer to this person who could do this? why me?!?!?!” But I volunteered. I know why me. But I am of little faith. I have faith in God to execute whatever His plan is, but not the faith to believe if I execute His plan, that it will have any lasting impact because I’m the one carrying it out. I still hope someone will tell me that it’s not true, but I wonder if I’d believe them….

  10. Reading your article and those here from others has helped me to see that I’m not alone in the fact that God asks people to give things up to fulfill his plans. For 30 years now I’ve prayed and asked God to send me the husband He showed me in a dream, but it hasn’t happened yet. And more and more, the Lord requires me everyday to fast and seek him to intercede for others until a set time like 3 p.m. I really hate fasting but love God. I honestly wish that I could serve Him at a less committed level because I’d be so much happier eating breakfast, lunch, going places, visiting friends, traveling, shopping –just being more normal like most other people but this is what He’s called me to. Sometimes it makes me depressed because at a more carnal level I can serve him with gladness as the word says. I don’t want to be like Demas who loved the world so much that he quit serving the Lord but I honestly deal with anger about this daily lifestyle He’s called me to. I wish I could be someone else. This war inside makes me bitter and unhappy . I have to constantly repent of my attitudes and tell the Lord that I love him and need his help to do his will. I wish He didn’t require of me what he asks . I’m embarrassed to say this but it’s really true. It takes away the joy and feeling of love that I have for him. It makes me feel like a horrible person to feel this way, but it is hard to live daily like a monk.

    1. Karen, You are correct that you aren’t alone in having given up dreams and hopes for God. I know many women who have given up much for their marriages & husbands. Many other women have become widows which was never their desire or divorced by men who chose another woman, again never their desire. What matters is walking with Him on the path He leads you and not comparing what He has for others. It is not and sometimes isn’t ever easy, but He gives grace and will reward our desire to please HIm. May you rest in His all seeing presence and His perfect plans for your life even when you don’t understand.
      Blessings to you,
      Barbara

    2. I feel and understand everything you are describing. I too get frustrated with all that ive given up for him and it’s still not good enough. I hate it and feel like serving Him is a trap.

    3. I understand exactly what you mean because I’m going through the same process, my time slot (5p) is different but everything else is spot on. I’m truly frustrated and tired of feeling trapped or worse imprisoned

  11. I can not discredit what has been going on in my life. On June 12th my grandfather passed away. Two weeks after that, I was in a car accident and while I was ok, my vehicle was totaled. In the weeks after that one of my coworkers lost her daughter at the age of 27 suddenly, and then some friends of mine lost their 4 year old daughter last Weds. I also have some health issues that have been going on that they aren’t down to the bottom of yet. Anxiety and depression set in. This turned into a fear of losing the one’s I love and the insecurities that came along to get my down. My biggest hurt right now, I mean it is literally hurting me on the inside, is not being sure if God is convicting me to get rid of my dog or not. I love her so much and I really don’t want to experience the hurt of giving her away. I feel extreme anxiety and I feel like this is extreme pressure. Can God change something that He is asking of me? There is no evidence of her needing to go, I just feel extreme anxiety and nagging.

    1. Keep your dog. Based on your description “extreme anxiety and nagging” that’s not the voice of God. The enemy pushes, The Father leads. Notice the blogger described God’s leading as a “gentle whisper.”
      I believe your dog is a gift from God to bring you joy, love, and comfort. Rest and enjoy him/her.

  12. Hi:
    I just read your post and I can relate. God asked me to give up a dream last year and it broke my heart. I was very angry and gave up on Him. I am trying to have a relationship with God now but it’s very difficult. Instead of anger, I feel numb towards God. It’s to the point where currently I don’t have any goals or dreams because I am afraid God will tell me “no”. As soon as I have an interest in something I get this crippling fear that God is going to take it away from me. I’m trying to trust God but it’s not easy. Giving up the things that I love has been depressing. I’m glad I came across your article and I hope that I can get to the point where you are at now. Thanks in advance for reading.

    1. Dawn, I’m so sorry for all you’re going through. I know this first hand that God really does turn all things together for the good! Sometimes we can only see what is in front of us and it doesn’t make since but you have to trust that He sees and knows the whole picture. He wants and has the best for you, He came that we could have life and live it abundantly! He knows* the plans He has for us, plans to prosper* us and not to harm us, to give us hope and a future!

      One thing I have always remembered is the story of the little girl and her fake pearls. She carried them with her everywhere. Her daddy asked her one night if he could have them and she just couldn’t give them up because they were her favorite pearls. He asked a few more nights but one night the little girl offered to give her pearls to her daddy, as much as she loved them she loved him more. As soon as she gave him the fake pearls, he opened his hand and gave her a real set of pearls <3!

      Sometimes God will ask us to give things up because He knows what we don't. It may be to protect us from something we can't see and even more because He has something even bigger/ better. He is a God of order and has a purpose for what He asks of us, maybe even to draw you to Him to see it's Him that is your secure anchor and everlasting source of joy, love, hope, strength, fulfillment and more amidst the storms of life. When you are built up in Him, everything else is icing on the cake =). When your boat rocks, He is still in control, trust Him.

      He created you, named you and placed you here at this time for a purpose for His kingdom. He placed/will grow God given desires in your heart to accomplish this and has given you everything you need to accomplish your purpose in His strength and power. He wants to bless you and wants you to be happy!! Draw near to Him, don't allow the enemy to lie to you that He is not going to bless you and prosper you or that He is a God who wants to take away. That's the what the enemy wants to do, if God takes something away it's because He loves you and knows more than we can see. He is going to pour back into you what was taken away and use this as a testimoney. Sometimes it's a strengthening of our faith, lean on Him and He will absolutely see you through.

      If we can love, forgive and bless others here, what more can God do who created us! Love you as a sister in Christ and praying for you! Blessings are coming, joy it's breaking through, keep pushing forward and receive all He has for you. His love it unconditional and you are a princess/ daughter of the most high Kingdom!

      1. Dawn, literally every word you typed is my life story. I cried as I read your post because it exposed what may be my deepest fear and struggle with God. I’ve had to deal with so many ‘no’s’ for sooooo many years it really had been depressing. I’m always losing friends, not successful when I pursue goals, etc. And I always seek God for reflection. Is it me? What do I need to change, Lord? Change me please! Yet, even when I feel closest to God, nothing works out for me. I’m always struggling, whether in my marriage, that is soon to be a finalized divorce, with friends that never stay too long, with jobs that keep me at paycheck to paycheck, and with aspirations (physical or spiritual). I often feel like I’m just….here. I ask God over and over what He wants me doing. Because I too gave up on pursuing anything. It makes me feel lazy, but I have no motivation to pursue a dream anymore. I just work, workout, go to church and hang out occasionally and watch people around me flourish. Though I’m genuinely happy for them, I feel like I’m a failure. I try to get past my emotions by listening to sermons and praying and fasting. I really do. But I still feel it, even when I try to encourage myself.

        Brittney, your response is very encouraging and I pray that my heart opens up to receive all that you said. I do feel numb sometimes. Sometimes I do feel like I’m enjoying God and getting closer to Him, but then I wonder why I can’t do that in Heaven because I’m certainly not accomplishing anything on Earth. And while I don’t like the thought of experiencing this all for even more years to come, I can’t fight God nor do I want to. I just wish I had more clarity and at least a vision on what He wants me to do and where to go. God bless you for sharing this post. ❤️

    2. I understand EXACTLY how you feel. I’m 35yrs old. I was married for 5 yrs. and my spouse walked out. Well, a while afterwards I met someone else. And we’ve dated for 4 yrs. And for a while now I’ve felt that God was telling me she wasn’t the one. Although she’s never done anything wrong. Not cheated. Lied. Nothing. She’s been 100% there. Well, I let the relationship go. Because I was getting to the point to where I was losing my peace when I’d be around her. Again, not because of anything she’d done. I was listening to joyce Meyer last night and she mentioned how she was once part of a church that she helped start. And for 3 yrs, (after she first felt the initial nudge from God that it was time to move on), she’d get depressed whenever she left service. Hearing that helped a little. I knew I wasn’t alone in decisions like this. And honestly it makes me nervous to love anyone anymore. I have no idea if/when God will call me out of it. And I don’t want to hurt anyone. I know this one (Bree) I hurt. I only hope and pray she can forgive me.

    3. I know this post was from eight months ago, but I just wanted to reply to you anyway. Hopefully, it reaches someone who needs encouragement…
      Likewise, God has sent me through an incredibly TOUGH season of His “NO”, “WAIT” and taking away. The absolute CRUSHING of these past 8 months (ironic, you posted as soon as this season began for me!) has been beyond belief!!
      I tell you truly, He will take away things you hated and things you have loved. BUT, I can finally SEE (in part) what He is doing/has done.
      One of the things God took away was all my notes, outlines, hand-drawn maps and stories that I wrote for the dream and the career God called me to. It broke my heart to throw years worth of work away- but, God.
      He has been re-writing those stories for me. Now better than before, better than I could have imagined. But if those stories and that research hadn’t been destroyed, they would have held me back.

      During this season of “take away”, God stripped and stripped and stripped EVERYTHING away in my life. But then, when the last thing was taken away, God told me to look up and around my house, my life. What was left was SO BEAUTIFUL! I couldn’t see it before because so much of the past, myself and other people had obscured my view! Then, as I thanked God, He brought beauty into my life through people I had forgotten and things I’d deemed insignificant in the past.
      My season is not yet over, it’s coming to a close though. I’m waiting on ONE person (which is really God doing a work in them), then, a new chapter begins in my life!
      If I can encourage you at all- please don’t be angry at God for “taking away” in your life! (I have to encourage myself too!) Ask God for eyes to SEE and ears to HEAR so that you can know Him, and your life, better.

  13. Thank you in advance for reading this. This has been a great article for me, but I am afraid it is too late for me. About eight years ago, my Mom died of cancer. My brother and I spent days after that packing everything up (over 30 boxes in the kitchen alone) He and I were living in the house at the time and I was working. I loved the area where we lived it was beautiful and cool and wonderful. Suddenly he gave me notice he was moving and I had to find a place very quickly. My only choice was LA which I abhor. I have been here almost five years and I HATE IT. And I will ALWAYS HATE IT. All doors shut but this one. The place I live is dirty, unsafe , intrusive, I have to share a kitchen and a bathroom, the manager has cameras everywhere. God and I are butting heads on this one. I cannot accept this, It would require a great deal of money to move home and I am losing hope. I can see what God wants to change in my heart, but I cannot do it; I am too full of resentment. I cannot sleep bc it is so damn noisy…it seems like I am sick all the time. I relax into His will, then He may make me stay here until I die and the thought tears me apart. As I write this someone’s music with bass blaring is pounding into my head. I used to love music before I moved here now I hate it. Again, thank you for reading this tome. I am housing a lot of anger. BTW my brother and I are doing fine. We are friends, it is God I am mad it.

    1. Barbara Rainey

      Hi, Debra.
      First of all, I want to say thank you for taking the time to comment. We appreciate all of our friends and supporters and are honored to come alongside when you are facing a trial.
      I am very sorry to hear of the loss of your mom and the subsequent challenges that you are facing. I am wondering if you are still grieving the loss of your mom? That alone can be the root issue of your anger. Then having another “loss” by being forced to move and in a very difficult environment. I can understand why there is so much anger.
      Are you involved in a local church where you have some support? I know you are angry at God, but He’s the One that can help you. Please don’t turn against Him. That’s the enemy’s goal – to steal, kill and destroy. God is for you, not against you.
      I would highly suggest that you call Focus on the Family and talk to a professional counselor. They offer a one-time free consultation and if desired, a local referral. They at least could give you professional insights and other resources. You can contact them here:

      http://www.focusonthefamily.com/about/contact-us

      I would also like to pray for you.

      Heavenly Father,
      Thank You for bringing Debra to our site. She is hurting and angry. I thank You for the Psalms that are full of examples of hearts poured out to You. We can be safe in coming to You and being honest. We do not have to hide. We thank You that Your word says that we can come boldly to Your throne of grace for mercy and grace in time of need. I pray that today You would be a very present help for Debra. Give her wisdom and direction. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.

      Again, thanks for reaching out, Debra.

      Blessings,
      Bev (For Barbara)

    2. Deb, I don’t totally understand your pain however my wife lost her mother to cancer in 08. In my opinion they never had the best relationship and I feel as though my wife has some resentment for her mother and blames her for her parents divorce. I also know that she prayed and believed that God would heal her mother of cancer. Sadly 8 months after diagnosis she passed away. In the time since I know that she cannot forgive her mother on several levels and that she is also mad at God. It has put a strain on our relationship so much so that she has separated from me, obviously other factors at the moment are involved. I have tried many ways to help and encourage her to make ammends with the past. She will say that she doesn’t know how or that she wants to build her wall up so that she doesn’t get hurt anymore. I am hoping that in time when the dust settles that she will return to God and that we can make amends and go forward with our lives. I love this woman to the moon and back. I have come to the realization that I can no longer help her no matter how hard I try. I am not being judgmental and myself would never want to live in L.A.. please focus on God and your relationship with him and remember that Jonah didn’t go to where God wanted him to go. Albeit he eventually did. God loves you no matter what and wants what is best for you. I hope that you find healing in the story that I shared with you.

    3. Hi Debra, I just want to say I feel encouraged by your post i.e. where you are living though I am sorry for the circumstances that brought you there. God has asked me to move from my present situation which is comfortable and secure and the only alternative accommodation that I can obtain are hostel like situations much like you have described. I have been feeling anxious and at times a little like a martyr for accepting this, however your post has made me happy that I am not the only one who has to live in situations like this. (Most of the places available have bedbugs!) In saying that I do hope you will find better accommodation SOON!

    4. Thank you everyone for your kind responses. I am still here (LA) and it was 109 degrees yesterday. Each day still has ups and downs….but maybe someday….Thanks again to all of you for the kind words..and God bless you!

  14. Is the premise of this question the idea that God gives revelation apart from scripture? If so, how do we test it?

    1. Barbara Rainey

      Hi Teresa, Thank you for your comment and your question!The premise of this question is that God often asks or calls His children to do things we are reluctant to do and often times refuse to do. The problem is not with God but with us. Like Jonah who didn’t like God’s idea that he, Jonah, go preach to Ninevah. Not everything God asks us to do is specified in Scripture, like how many children to have or which job should I take, but neither does His desire for us ever contradict Scripture. In my case in this post, He overruled my desire not to have a sixth child which is a reflection of His word in Psalms, Children are a gift from the Lord. Ps. 127:3-5. I hope this helps and sincerely appreciate you reaching out to ask the question!

  15. Thank you so much for this. It truly met me where I am. I am a young lady currently living in a city far from home. About a year ago, I was dating a wonderful godly man and a future with him certain. It was long distance back then and I prayed to be closer to him. God opened up an opportunity for a wonderful job in his city and for me to serve in the children’s ministry at a wonderful church, the same one he attended. Then things just went downhill between us, and the future I had envisioned stopped looking the way I had it planned out. Honestly, I love this city and my job and serving and growing in this wonderful church but it is painful to see him all the time and not understand why God didn’t block my path from coming here if this man wasn’t tied to my destiny. I did not just get up and move cities haphazardly. I prayed, for open doors, for opportunities, for the opportunity to be asked to serve with children, all these are answered prayer and yet this one aspect just keeps boggling my mind. And yet in the midst of this I believe God is calling me to be still, and not abandon the church, the city or the process. Sometimes it really makes me feel some type of way but your article really encouraged me. I pray that I too can believe that it all shall be to His glory. Until then may God continue to give me the grace to die to self for His glory.

    1. @PhobeS…
      Your comment interest me. Question, did you ever ask God IF IT WAS HIS WILL for you to do all these things you’re saying HE open the doors to? Never said you didn’t but neither did you. You said you prayed for doors and opportunities to open…did you ask God IF your reason for these open doors of opportunities were HIS and the gentleman…did God say to you that he was the man God has for you? I pray you see this and reply back. BLESSINGS!

  16. Thank you for this. I’m 24, and thought I had met the one I was going to marry until yesterday. I’ve been with him 3 years now. He asked me to marry him June of last year. He is a Godly man, and I love him dearly. There have been little “confirmations” all throughout our relationship, but I think I may have been ignoring the deeper, quieter voice of the Holy Spirit telling me no. Last night my mother, who had already given us her blessing, confessed that she had a check in her spirit. She reminded me of a prophesy Herb Marks had given her about what she believes is my situation. My little sister had said the same months before, but I had taken it to mean it just wasn’t time. For some reason when my mom said that it just hit me really hard. I’m still grieving. I haven’t talked to him yet. I told God I need it to be HIM telling me, not anyone or anything else. There’s no way to have a clean break, our lives are so entwined now. And I definitely can’t do this in my own power. I feel so small and powerless. Thank you for your hope-filled message.

  17. Please don’t judge me harshly, but I don’t like children. I’ve never liked them, wanted to be near them, or even see pictures of them. I find them to be annoying and disgusting. As a Christian woman, I feel a deep sense of guilt over this because since Jesus loves children so much and we’re supposed to strive to be Christ-like, there must be something wrong with me. In my mid-30’s, the Lord blessed me with a wonderful husband. While he didn’t feel as strongly as I in his distaste for children, he didn’t really want to have any either. To be “fair”, we did discuss the subject at length and finally decided definitively we would not have them. Now, suddenly in my 40’s, I’m nearly positive God is saying we should have children (not sure if 1 or more, but that’s beside the point). I know anything is possible with God and we should be obedient to Him, but I’m terrified!!! If we go through with this, but my loathing of children doesn’t go away, how in the world can we raise a decent human being?! So much is at stake here & there’s no going back. We can’t undo the choice. Should we dare trying to conceive iif neither of us wants to just to be obedient?

    1. Barbara Rainey

      Jeanette – I apologize for the delayed response, your comment just showed up in my inbox. Thank you for writing so honestly and be assured you are not being judged. God is obviously not afraid of your values and is perfectly capable of producing change. I would say since it is clear that God is working this miracle in your heart then He can be trusted to give you love for a child and the wisdom to be a good parent! Consult with your doctor but there is no reason you can’t conceive and deliver a healthy baby in your forties in this generation. I just read an article two days ago about a woman who gave birth at 47 to triplets who are now 8. She’s written a book about her experience that sounds like a good read. God is good. Trust Him. “Fear not” He tells us. “I am with you.” Thank you again for your comment!

    2. Jeanette, thank you so much for sharing this. I’m in a similar situation in that I’m married, never wanted kids/terrified to have any, but feel a certain pressure from God to do so. I’m in my late thirties, and I’ve been feeling guilt for years about avoiding having kids. It’s not that I don’t like them, rather I much prefer not having the responsibility of care-taking/child rearing. It’s such a huge decision! I’m scared I’ll obey God and have a child, but my feelings won’t change. Not sure if you’ll get my message, but may I ask how you’ve been dealing with this (since posting your comment last March)?

      Barbara, how do you obey God, and start trying to conceive when you’ve never wanted a child in the first place?
      Right now, I’m angry and upset that I have to do this, and I know that God doesn’t want me to serve him begrudgingly.

      P.S. Thank you for writing this post, it spoke to me.

  18. Thank you for this. We have a 5 yo and had trouble getting pregnant with him. So his birth was a special time and he truly felt like a miracle baby. We knew we probably wanted another child and have been putting it off for years. I really wanted to adopt as we discussed that years ago when we couldn’t get pregnant. I finally decided to stop resisting and “try” for another to rule that out. I thought I turned it over to God but apparently not. I ended up getting pregnant the first month and now it’s twins. I have been pretty upset about this as I really felt a calling to adopt and having to let go of that dream. Three kids for us is enough. So there’s been a lot of guilt surrounding this pregnancy because I know I should feel elated that we conceived so quickly but twins is not what either of us wanted. It feels like such a heavy burden to bear with all the extra risks that come with a multiple pregnancy. Our parents are excited and that just adds to feeling like a punch in my gut.

  19. Thank you for your story. I’m sitting here at work and GOD has placed something on my heart even a dream came to me and i don’t want to do it. Hes asking me to move home to my parents house. Understand i just moved out. All i have ever wanted was my own place and now that i have it hes asking me to give it up? LORD!!!???? My parents are 72 and 73 year old great people and I LOVE them, but when i was home me and mom didnt get along that well,but now that im out and i have a chance to go over i see little things that my mom may need help with around the house.Plus they deserve for someone to look after them thy both have worked hard for what they have, I believe after reading your story that this is a way GOD is having me to die of myself also. i remember praying for my own place for years thats all i wanted ..well he gave it to me and i love my place. Its a hard thing to do making a sacrifice for others. WOW JESUS is AWESOME!!! Im still praying about this.. Anymore advice?

    1. My prayer for you is God will continue to guide you in this decision. He has told us to honor our parents that it may be well with us, the fifth commandment. Honor is God’s will. Perhaps there is a way you can help them and stay in your own home until they need your care full time.
      I’m proud of you for your desire to serve them and to deny yourself that God may be glorified.
      Bless you and thanks for writing.

  20. This article is real eye opener. You used you example of pregnancy and all or most all of comments were about babies. Not mine…I answer the call of God to marry again and I didn’t want to. I begged pleaded pray almost 24/7
    That’s been almost 4yrs ago. I met a Pastor and I heard God say thats my husband and God told him I was His wife. Hubby is elated and I know he loves me…but it was all set up by God. I was so very hurt and disappointed. I’m much better now but not there yet. Not one day after our wedding has gone by that I ask God WHY?? I know it’s about ministry first and after OMG…so many confirmation dreams God speaking…I obeyed but I didn’t see this coming and I’m still trying to adjust. We pick who we want to marry AFTER getting to know each other for a while. Yes even then we ask God is this what He wants but I never got that opportunity. My life…I. could say so much here it would be a mini book. Just want to say Thank you because for the first time I’m realizing its not just being obedient to our Father but it’s also dying to self. A REAL EYE OPENER.
    GOD BLESS U! :)

    1. God is in TOTAL control. God has asked me to do what makes no earthly sense whatsoever. To marry a man that has been married 5 (Yes 5) times. I know you all are asking, “are you sure this is God”. I have asked the same myself. Like the Israelites, Moses, Jonah, Peter, the wall of faith, and numerous others, I ran hard and fast.
      Is this God? We have had numerous confirmation since starting to date. Many times God will ask you to do things that don’t make sense to use you. And yes, this don’t make sense.
      According to world statistics, we have less than a 10% chance of our marriage lasting.
      We are going (many weeks now) through Christian biblical counseling, and all things has been completely & honestly opened.
      I have reasoned, rationalized, questioned and cried out to God. But, each times he speaks (many times through others) on this is His will.
      Example, this morning, I cried out this don’t make sense God. The sermon of a biblical based pastor was completely surrounded on God using what does not make sense for His glory.
      I reference the Samaritan woman at the well. If it was not for who she was and the illicit lifestyle she was currently living, the shame of the community, they would not had given her “come and see a man that told me all thing” one thought. Her past, and what Jesus did with her now, caused so many other to come to salvation.
      I don’t know specifically what or how God is doing, many times we are not given the details.
      No, I am not walking blindly. A compromising (sexual/selfish sins) do not have an impact on this. If this is not God will, as his child, He will not lead us into the path of marriage.
      I am not advocating being a sixth spouse to anyone. But I do encourage you to seek his will, walk in his way, and to hide his word in your heart which prevent the enemy from causing you to fall into sin.

      1. Wow, thank you for posting!

        I’m in a similar spot! Never wanted to be married or have children (as I am happy to do the Lord’s work alone plus having raised my younger sisters already) but God told me 2 1/2 years ago (almost 3) that I’d be married. He said it’d be “worth the wait” and I thought, “Okay, 5-10 years from now, after my career/ministry, I’ll meet that man in the same field and God will probably have changed my mind on marriage.”
        HA! When I wasn’t looking, God changed my career (temporarily) and put that man directly in my path. I wasn’t expecting him, so when he began to match all the signs God’d given me, I was shocked! Then, my heart began to change and I saw this man for who he was and I fell in love (truly, I have) with him.
        BUT! Here was the catch- this man wasn’t ready yet (neither was I) because he was backslidden in the faith and had been dating a woman he wasn’t supposed to be with. Everyone kept telling me, “Oh, it’s clear to everybody that you two are meant to be together and we’ve all known they shouldn’t be dating. Just wait, be patient because God will do His will in the perfect time! God will reignite (this man’s) faith and you two will be together!”
        SO, I prayed, waited and fasted. This man fell in love with me (first, technically) but I waited for God because God repeatedly told me, I had to wait for this man, as he is the one.
        THEN, this man told me that while he held deep feelings for me, he would do right by this woman he was dating and marry her, because he’s loyal and he met her first. They are currently engaged.

        …Enter my rage and tears at God. “WHY God, did you make me turn from singleness to love this man who has loved me but rejected me in favor of another? Wasn’t I doing just fine before all of this?!” But then, God showed me in His Word of all the people God called to do “crazy” things (Jonah & Ninevah, Hosea & Gomer, Ananais & Saul, etc) and how, in the end, God was glorified.
        And, while this chapter is drawing near to a close, God has made me wait. In the end, God will receive all the glory from my life.

        1. My sister, only God know the plans He has for you. Plans to prosper you & not to harm you. I have a questions for you. How was he “backslidden in the faith”? Was he dating you while dating the lady he is marrying? As James spoke about, ask God for wisdom in all things. That’s my stance.

  21. I have four godly homeschooling kids. Recently, we were literally thrown into fostering a family member who we’ve never met. I know God wants us to stay on this road but it seems so very overwhelming to me. I feel like it’s just too much. One kid tries to avoid this child. Another keeps asking when he’s going home…that they want our family back to normal. Quite honestly, so do I. The thought of having this child for 24/7 this summer brings tears gushing down my face…For now, we at least get a school time break as you can’t homeschool fosters. I don’t want to be Jonah and run from God’s plan but yet, I soooo do.

    1. Thanks for sharing your story with us. My daughter and her husband are foster parents and it is often a disruption. So may God give you wisdom and grace and His love for this child and may He guide you on this journey. He will show you as you pray and depend on Him.

  22. Dear Barbara. This blog today was so incredibly encouraging to me and I plan to forward it to my two married daughters to minister to them as well. About 39 years ago I felt the Lord wanted me to put on a shelf my musical gift and desires to raise my 2 daughters. And when my oldest daughter turned 6 the Lord made it very obvious to me that he wanted me to homeschool her as well as her younger sister 2 years later. It was such a sacrifice and so hard to not be able to use my musical gift for so many years. Then when my girls hot older and I thought I would begin to use the gift of music again, the Lord closed every door. I didn’t understand and sometimes I still don’t understand, but I have be blessed with the 2 most besutiful godly daughters a mother could ever ask for! I am soooo blessed! Now my oldest daughter (who is a very gifted artist) has put down and packed away all her art supplies as she is homeschooling her 13 year old son and caring for her 1 1/2 year old daughter. Her husband has not been very supportive and has poor health. So my precious daughter also works as the administrator for my husband’s business from her home to earn extra income that they do desperately need. But she has resolved in her heart that she is going to die to herself and obey God as He is directing her. She is sn amazing woman!!! Thank you for your encouragement today!! You will never know how much you ministered to my and my girls today. Love in Christ, Debby

  23. Awesome reminder of God’s Sovereignty. Thank you for reminding me of His good and perfect plan! Sweet blessings to you!

  24. To God be the glory! I have been operating in an ungrateful spirit with the news of baby number 6. Selfish planning has been the reason too. I so needed this

  25. Truly am blessed by your blogs. Though I’m all through raising six children myself, at soon to be 78 years I’m still learning to trust God. And He’s still asking me to do things I don’t necessarily want to do. I’ve learned that He does it so that I can learn that He can do through me what I cannot do and He gets the glory and praise and that’s just fine with me!

  26. I’ll be honest, this post brought me to tears. But not for the reason you may think. I too have five children, and have prayed for years for God to bless us with another. In the beginning it was very selfishly. My husband had a vasectomy and I was heart broken. I wanted to allow God to determine the size of our family and my husband was done. He did not want another child. That was rough for me and for several years I truly believed that God was bigger than his surgery and if I prayed hard enough and if God loved me enough than he would answer my request. Cleary that was wrong on my behalf and I knew it. So, I changed my prayer, God take this desire away from me. It benefits me nothing to have six children and no husband. It was hard but I believed it and I swear the desire for more children got stronger. It was so hard. And it had been another couple of years. In October of 2015, I attended a women’s conference and cried my eyes out. I prayed the boldest prayer I had ever prayed and asked God, no matter what he wanted to do with my life I could accept as long as my husband and I were on the same page. Just a few weeks later my husband said he wanted to talk to me and I’d never seen him look so serious. He started the conversation with, “I can’t live like this anymore…
    and confessed to having an affair for the past 18 months. Seriously, I couldn’t breathe. This was certainly not the life I thought I had. And I couldn’t believe that God could have allowed this, especially after I had been on my face, seeking him the hardest I’d ever been. And after my prayer. Clearly this was not the same page. That is what I thought anyway. God obviously thinks differently. After I caught my breathe, literally, I realized I had more compassion in my heart for my husband than I’d ever had before. God was with us. He said he wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of his life with me and our five girls. It was very difficult at first, but we bought a copy of Moments Together for couples and started reading it everyday. In February of last year, all on his own, my husband came to me an d said he wanted to have his vasectomy reversed and have another baby. That’s why this seems so hard. We prayed ALOT before we choose that route, because we wanted to make sure it was of God. We had so many confirmations that it was the right choice and its been almost a year. I trust God with all of my heart, but every month we aren’t pregnant is so hard. I know a big family isn’t for everyone and people actually, tell me I should just be happy with the five I have, but when you know God puts a desire in your heart, how do you ignore it?

  27. I went through similar struggles when I became pregnant with my 3rd child. I felt inconvenienced and upset. I also felt guilty for my feelings. Now, 7 years later, I’ve come to learn that God is good and HIS provision is abundant. My now 7-year-old is a huge blessing to my family. God still gives me my dreams of a career. But, it’s according to HIS time table. God is gracious.

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