It’s been a hard week

On Monday last week, I was feeling good about life. It seemed we were in a good place after a few recent setbacks.

Tuesday evening we were blind-sided as if an eighteen wheeler had crossed the center-line, scraped the entire right side of our car and the impact forced us off the road into the ditch of the median.

Sometimes we have days in the ditch, sometimes it’s weeks, sometimes it’s a much longer season of months or years.

Tuesday night as my insides churned and my emotions ricocheted I typed out these words because I was very disappointed with God. This was His fault it seemed.

Disappointed with God

I feel as if you don’t see what’s happening
or do you not care that we are experiencing this?
I know differently, I know the truth,
still believe the truth.

But I sure can’t feel any assurance of Your presence at this moment.
I have felt this kind of disappointment before,
this is not the first time,
so I should have a backup, some verse that worked before.
But I feel just as bewildered as every other time.

I’m really trying to live for you
I’m working hard to make a difference in people’s lives
I’m not wasting my life with things you list in your Word as bad;
Carousing, drunkenness, gossip.

Living for you feels really hard.
It’s hard work; full of plagues of all kinds,
people who disappoint and fail,
ideas that seems like good ones
that even seem blessed by You
but they fall flat.

Nothing seems easy in the Christian life, right now.
Nothing.
Not surrender, not faith, not prayer, not peace or your promised rest.
What am I missing, Lord,
Show me what You want me to see,
to learn, to know.

I always want to blame, in my flesh, to find someone or something at which to direct my “righteous anger.” But He reminds me there is so much more going on than I can see or know.

He calls me to surrender every day, multiple times every day, even when I can’t know why or what He is doing. It’s the essence of faith after all.

Days have passed. Time has softened the initial blow, but the week has remained checkered with hard stuff. Thursday night our internet, email, TV all went out! Someone shot the line with a gun and blew up the fiber optics. Go figure! So I went to Starbucks to get my writing done! It could be a lot worse.

God is still on His throne I remembered by His Spirit whisper. I am living in a world full of imperfect people who make mistakes, usually not intentionally with evil plans for me. I make lots of mistakes too.  Thank You Lord for grace.  We have an enemy of our souls who loves to disrupt and bring discouragement as often as he is allowed. Thank You Lord that You restrain him more than I will ever know.

And You remind me that I am limited, I can’t do all things. I have to settle for less. Recognizing that reality is never pleasant. But You are not and never will be limited!

And He continues to remind me He is the only ONE who can work good out of all things. It is His great delight. He loves taking our messes and making something good out of them.  That knowledge gives me comfort.

So I thanked Him and chose to trust Him with the mess we dealt with all last week that wasn’t our doing. It has given us the opportunity to show grace and love and generosity and that has been fun actually. To choose to do good feels so right.

I asked at the beginning of this verbal processing; was this series of disappointments God’s fault? Decidedly the answer is no. What we experienced was all human error. Could God have overruled and stopped the mistakes? Yes, He could have, but in His infinite wisdom and plan He didn’t, and I choose to trust Him with what I don’t know or understand.

What about you? I wonder, what are you facing that has been an unhappy interruption, a mistake made by someone you trusted that is now costing you? Or worse, there have been shootings again, package bombs, and the elections are next week. Do you feel the whole world is being disrupted, turned upside down? We have so little control. But if you know Jesus as Savior you know the only Someone who has all control!

Give thanks with me, that You, Lord, never change which means You are always trustworthy, always present, and always at work with our good and Your glory in mind! You alone are the stability of our times!


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27 thoughts on “It’s been a hard week”

  1. Thank you so much for sharing your heart and being “real”. A good reminder for me that interruptions in our lives. A year and a half ago a long time family friend abandoned my dog Dutchess while taking her out without my knowledge. I have grieved over the loss of my sweet girl so much over this last year and a half. She was truly a gift and comfort to me from the Lord and then she was just gone. Through this process I have learned to trust the Lord in a way I never have. His grace is so amazing to comfort our broken hearts and He has opened up amazing opportunities for me to share of His faithfulness even when we don’t understand. I am still continuing my search for her. And as we look this month to the things we are thankful for I am grateful for God’s hand in the interruption in my life. This has affected my entire family and I treasure the things I have learned along the way and for the amazing people I have gotten to share with. Looking for those treasures in the darkness. So glad you guys are okay……you are a blessing to so many!

  2. Barbara-
    The fruit of your ministry and your loving heart for Jesus is apparent. Be encouraged and stand firm! The Lord sees you and none of your tears will be wasted.

  3. Barbara Rainey, you are dearly loved. Keep writing! & Praise the Lord yall were okay from the car accident. (Last week, we adopted a puppy…he pooped all over my new house, chewed things up, howled & growled, totally flipped upside our daily routine & triggered an anxiety attack in me like never seen before…a few days later I broke my 11 year old daughters’ heart when I choose to return him((he found a forever home)). So, everyone loves the front end of a puppy; but I learned my lesson!!!! & after reading about your week made me feel a litter better about mine. God is good…all the time. Keep writing. You’re a treasure.

  4. Barbra, Thank you for sharing with us. I have been struggling for quite some time but I keep reminding myself that God is in control even when it dosen’t feel like he is. That is what keeps me going. Bless you

  5. Barbara,
    I just love and appreciate you!!! You express so well how staying in a posture of trusting God is hard work. It is a fight sometimes. Thank you for allowing me to see your struggle and how you resolve to cling to the Character of God to believe Him even with all of the circumstances are going the wrong way. You encourage me like a Christian mom would for her daughter. I love you and appreciate you. I am praying for you today that the Lord would lift your heart and your circumstances and give you relief from the trials. Also, that He would grant you some beautiful outcomes – beauty for ashes!!

  6. This THANK YOU is one of those that does not seem enough express my thanks for your gracefilled, honest sharing of your pain – but is truly all I can think to say. Some how it helps me (all of us) process our hurts and pains that come. God is good!
    Thank you, Barbara, for sharing.

  7. Barbara I hear your heart , I was in a very scary spot this week also. Waiting for results of my husband scan, once again. And the enemy was using my weaknesses to for me to forget to praise God for EVERYTHiNG he has placed in my life. So I started to do just that. As we know you can not be in fear when you are in a position of praise to the Lord.
    That you for being transparent and real. Praise the Lord for you.

  8. Sandy Dellecave

    Thanks so much for sharing! I just got home & opened my email and saw your name Barbara at the top of my email. I thought, I don’t even know a Barbara, what could this be about? As soon as I realized it was you, I could not wait to read your story!! I laughed out loud about your cable, because ours has not worked right all week & my husband said “I feel like shooting this thing!! Lol😂! I never thought anyone would do such a thing!!!

  9. Thank you for modeling What to do even when times are hard. Thank you for being authentic to show that there are times that are VERY hard and times that hurt and don’t make sense… and this is what it means to walk by faith and not by sight….reminding us all To trust and to know that our God is for us. Praying right now for the difficult places in your life and pray peace and blessings. Thank you for all you do ♥️♥️♥️♥️😇

  10. Thoroughly enjoyed reading this article.
    After experiencing heavy difficulties over long periods of time, He has brought me to understand that in deep darkness, His glow is a soft and peaceful place in the midst of it all.

  11. Thanks for sharing this, Barbara. It’s good to share our struggles with assurance of God’s faithfulness. May God continue to minister to you and through you.

  12. Julie A Reynolds

    This was exactly my feelings and my heart as the past two weeks have felt like an avalanche of chaos both terrifying and exciting! My son was hit by an SUV on his way to work on his motorcycle on Tuesday of last week. He only has a broken pelvis (Praise You Lord) but it could have been so much worse. His very pregnant wife went into labor the following Friday and delivered our fourth grandchild, a baby boy, a few weeks early! Mom, Baby and Dad are recovering at home now. This grandma is worn out and you stated my feelings so well. Trusting His faithfulness is not always easy but the peace that comes from knowing we are in His care is priceless. Praying for you and Dennis, Barbara! Hope you see glimpses of His glory all through your week.

  13. Jesus is my Lord. Jesus is my Savior.
    Jesus, you are my Lord! Jesus, you are my Savior! Why do tears come to my eyes when I say this?
    When I See His loving Work, His protection, and His blessings everywhere, my eyes tear up, and sometimes cry. Not sure what this means. I did enjoy your turmoil turning out “covered by His blessings being felt and seen and Known by you..
    IHN

  14. Barbara thank you for this post today. We are in the mist of the aftermath of Hurricane Michael in Panama City, Florida. The storm was horrendous but also the emotional part of making major decisions seems to be overwhelming to us as well. Our home has been destroyed and will have to be rebuilt and our business needs major repairs and everyday it rains we are dealing with rain coming back into our home and business. Buckets and large containers are now part of our family and employees. We have them everywhere trying to save us from more flooded floors and damage. So yes, I understand your disappointment. I too am disappointed and overwhelmed about all of this disaster around us right now. It is truly a war zone. Yet, we do not walk by sight but by faith in a BIG God who does promise good out of ALL things bad. We are praying, trusting, dealing with big decisions, and waiting…..Prayers please! Thank you so much

    1. Deborah! I am a pastor’s wife in St. Augustine. My dad is one of five (most born at Tyndall); many Aunts/Uncles & cousins live at Mexico Beach, Port St. Joe. Please let us know if we can help? Our church is rallying supplies to keep send over. We are praying & we see you! U r not forgotten. Love in Christ’s Precious Love,

  15. If there is one thing that God has been speaking to me in the past week or two, it is simply: faithfulness. He just wants us to be faithful, and He will show his love. God will bless you for your faithfulness. Thank you so much for everything you’ve been doing and have done with your life, because it has impacted so many souls! At church last week, I was in a very sad place. I had been blindsided, too. But I knew that our Lord asks us to be faithful to him and go to him each Sunday. While we were there, someone thanked me and my husband for introducing them to the P2P program. But it would not have been possible without you and Dennis listening to God’s call in your faithfulness. Let us both be faithful in the sunshine and in the rain! May God bless you.

  16. I feel as if I am continually going from one sad hurtful thing to another and yet Jesus holds me. Even when I wallow in self pitty, blaming others, dwelling on things He told me to let go of, He holds me kicking and trying to get lose, He holds me until I rest in Him! Thank you, for you understand.

    1. I love your very real description of what we often do as God tries to comfort and console us ..kick, scream, bite, yell…but He is not moved and can handle it and not angered or disappointed in us just wants to bring thru to the other side….He loves us too much to leave us where we are. God bless you.

  17. Dealing with a lot right now. Trusting is a challenge yet like you say, things are better than they might be and He restrains the enemy in ways I’ll never know! Thanks for your words of encouragement!

  18. This is truly the Christian life (constantly having to trust Him by faith and not by sight) and thank God He walks with us thru it all! Your honest words ring so true in difficult times. “Surrender to God every day all day long, EVEN WHEN I CAN’T KNOW WHY OR WHAT HE IS DOING…truly is the essence of faith & the Christian life!” Thankfully He is always looking out for our good (even when it doesn’t feel like it at times) and HIS glory! After all, it’s NOT ABOUT US, but about HIM & HIS GLORY! And yet He is so very gracious & loving towards us always.

  19. Beautifully written and so very real. I find often the church shows no room for doubt or frustration. For questions. As if we can’t handle others doubts and pains. We don’t have to try to be superhuman Christians that have all the answers and that are always happy all the time. Praise the Lord that God can handle our doubts and we don’t have to be fake with Him. He understands our hurts and sympathizes with us. What a great God we serve. In the midst of great pain He is there and it is after the doubting that comes the listening we desperately need of His word. He is the stability of our times indeed. Thank you for sharing. Clinging to Him with you.

  20. Amen and amen
    My heart rejoices for God sparing your life and not letting it end tragically.
    In spite of waiting for Him to see my family through this trial, I have so much to give Him praise for. Thank You Lord!

  21. I have no flowery words right now because my head and heart are so tired, but… ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

  22. Thank you for sharing this raw and real response to the hard stuff you have dealt with this week. I felt every word, as I am in a HARD season and often wonder does God care. Thanks for the reminder that He does!

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