Though it was over one hundred years ago, most of us know the story of the Titanic. When the huge ship was built, it was declared “unsinkable.” Designers and engineers created what they believed to be an indestructible double thick hull. This new ship received rave reviews as the rich and famous, plus hundreds of others, bought tickets for the maiden voyage. Believing the press reports, over 2,000 unsuspecting passengers placed their hope, their faith, in the boasting of men. All this trust left the passengers drowning and sinking to their death in the water.
Since the early pages of the Bible when men worked together to build a tower to the heavens, humans have tried, in futility, to create cities, ships, and empires to make a name for themselves that will endure forever. Only Jesus lived a life that could not be extinguished. Even death itself could not end His life. And because He alone survived death and rose from the grave, He alone has the name above all names. The power of His indestructible life gives us proof that placing our faith, our hope, in Him will never fail.
Though we will always be prone to place our hope in a thousand other places: our spouse, children, family; our image, health, grades, awards, titles, accomplishments; our government leaders, pastor, friends—all of them will fail. All are destructible, sinkable, and fallible. All will disappoint except Jesus. He has given us a better hope.
Think about where you place your hope besides in Jesus? Make a list of those places or people that pull your hope away from Him.
When your hope feels shaky, thank Him that He is unmovable and indestructible. Hope placed in Him is always secure.
I would describe myself as an eternal optimist and a quality others have frequently expressed to me about me. I am however entering unchartered territory relating to “hope” and my marriage. Briefly I suffered a fall resulting in a TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury). I’ve made a full and complete recovery but do have a few sustained issues that have created havoc in my marriage. This havoc that was thrust upon us following my accident is driving a wedge between us, a wedge that we seem presently incapable of un-wedging. I thinks it’s important to know that I love my wife more than words can describe and I’m committed to her forever. I know also she loves me and wants the same but, we can’t seem to cross over to the other side. Our inability to find the “new us” and be at peace with the “new us” is tearing us apart to the point that I for the first time in our long term marriage am starting to lose hope in our marriage and my ability to be the man I want to be for her and the man I know and believe she deserves. I’ve surrendered myself to the Lord and have cried out to Him numerous times to guide me and and my wife to the place that restores happiness, love and contentment to us and our marriage but nothing seems to change. The absence of positive change and progress has lead me to this horrible and hopeless feeling and it scares me. I’ll continue my prayers and continually place this in the Lords hands with the belief that God has a good plan for me, my wife and our marriage. With that said I still don’t know if I’ll ever be what I want to be and she needs and deserves…….I guess that’s where faith comes in?
Hi. My name is Bev and Barbara asked me to reply to your comment. I have been mentoring online for several years so I hope to offer you some biblical insight and helpful resources.
First of all, I am truly sorry to hear of the difficult challenges you have faced in your life and marriage after the TBI. Nothing that we have faced in life prepares us for this type of situation.
However, from reading your comment, I am struck by your feeling that your wife “deserves” a certain type of husband, even after a serious accident. In your case, it almost sounds like you are taking the blame for your accident. It was an accident.
Have you and/or your wife been to counseling? I can’t imagine going through something as traumatic as this without support. I would try to find someone who is knowledgeable in this area, too. If you contact Focus on the Family, they staff professional counselors who will offer you a free one-time consultation and give you a local referral. Here’s the link: http://www.focusonthefamily.com/about/contact-us
Are you both active at church? Even though people may not understand what you are going through, do not disengage from community. You need to be surrounded by those that can help support you, even if they don’t “get it”. Your wife probably especially needs this since women tend to be more relational.
I also found a FamilyLife Today radio series,The Vow (this is also a movie). It’s based on a true story, too. The wife suffered the TBI in this case. Here’s the link: http://familylifetoday.com/series/the-vow/
Here’s another article: Starting Marriage Over After a Brain Injury
Each situation is so unique that there is not one “pat answer”. I do know that the Holy Spirit will help each of you navigate these unchartered waters. He has promised to never leave you or forsake you. He will be with you always.
I believe that the biggest thing you need right now is not so much faith, but hope. Here is a FamilyLife Today broadcast that I believe will encourage you: http://familylifetoday.com/series/hope-heals/
By the way, have you considered attending the FamilyLife Weekend to Remember conference? Here is the link to find dates/locations if interested:
http://www.familylife.com/weekend-to-remember
Make sure to use the code “ForMyMarriage” for a $100 discount on the registration fee. We have seen hundreds of marriages saved and restored. This may be just the thing to restore hope to your marriage.
I would also like to pray for you.
Heavenly Father,
I thank You for bringing Alex to our site. Thank You that we can come boldly to Your throne of grace for mercy, grace and help in time of need. I ask that Holy Spirit would restore hope to this couple. You know the pain and suffering that they have been through. I do thank You for the healing that has already taken place. I ask that You continue to work in and through this situation. Show them the resources and support that they need to walk through this valley. Thank You that You never leave or forsake us, especially when we are down. Grant them Your peace that passes all understanding to guard their hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. In Your Name we pray. Amen.
Again, thanks for taking the time to comment on the blog.
Blessings,
Bev Cooper