Borrowing

 

 

Lord, I need to borrow something.

We had another disagreement,

My husband and I.

His officing at home for over a year now

has produced more opportunities

to trust You than I expected,

exposed more of my flaws than I care to see.

My time is not my own,

my house no longer my daytime sanctuary,

my kitchen island his landing strip;

keys, backpack, devices, papers, mail, glasses, strewn end to end,

like when my six

usurped my world, my space, my peace.

I remind myself

I’d rather have him and his messes

than not have him at all,

this house is OURS

not mine.

More than once I’ve prayed,

“thank you, Lord, that I don’t live alone,

I am so very grateful.

I know your sufficiency would be enough

for a life of widowhood;

thank You that that time has not yet come.”

       But today, Lord, I am in need.

I need to borrow

(though I won’t return, can’t repay)

from Your divine nature

because You promised

“Your divine power has granted to me

everything for life and godliness!”*

Oh how I need everything You offer, Lord!

In myself I see

nothing divine;

don’t possess patience

can’t grow godliness

struggle with self-control and high control,

even my love for those I love is cracked
inadequate, not enough.

But You invite me

to come to Your throne room

ask for what I lack,

walk up to Your banquet table and partake

of Your limitless divine nature!

Amazing Grace

O Fountain of all Good

by the door of the cross

You have opened this way for me

to be holy in all my conduct*(I P.1.15)

as You are holy.*(I P.1:16)

I need to borrow not just some of you,

but all of You.

Giver of every good and perfect gift.

I bow

before your Majesty and Perfection

overwhelmed by my ever-present need,

and I ask;

Give me from Your limitless supply of perfect patience,

Your limitless perfect love,

that I may share in your holiness.* (Heb12:10)

Kneed Your grace into my heart,

make me like Jesus,

in His image, His likeness,

for I can perform no lasting heart repair on my own.

“whoever feeds on me

will live because of Me,” (jn.6:57)

I come today,

My Savior,

Amen.

A couple weeks ago I had a dream. As most are it had a strange setting that made no sense, but what I did understand clearly was there was a man in the crowd of people who had been with Jesus. And everyone wanted to follow Him. What he offered was valuable, rich and lasting while all the others at the market were selling cheap counterfeits.

When I woke up I remembered the verse in Acts 4:13, “They were uneducated common men, but everyone recognized ‘they had been with Jesus.’”

Do those around you see you have been with Jesus? It’s what I want more than anything: to be with Jesus, to experience His presence more and more and for it to change my life so it’s obvious that I have been with Jesus.

One way to experience His life-changing power is to partake of His divine nature, promised to us. Have you ever considered how stunningly generous it is of God to condescend, to stoop down to me and you, and share His godly qualities?

The longer I walk with God the more I see how right is His declaration, “there is none who seeks God, no one does good, not even one,” (Romans 3:11 & 12). Instead of trying harder, telling yourself “I should be able to…” on our own, which I did for too many years, I invite you to join me is taking from God’s limitless divine nature.

He offers Himself to us, but our pride keeps us from taking. And so we continue to fail to love well. It’s so unnecessary! Let’s be women who run to Him with all our inabilities and partake from His “everything for life and godliness.” Then those around us; our spouses, our families, our friends, neighbors, and even strangers will see that we have been with Jesus!

May it be so for each one of us, Lord!

Amen.

 

More from the Blog

29 thoughts on “Borrowing”

  1. Wow! Such a timely reminder about facing life’s transitions, particularly husbands who have decided to “office” at home or retire earlier than expected or wanted. So very grateful to hear that others feel and struggle the same I have with a husband, who is “officing” at home more than being at an “away” office. Please write more on this topic! May God bless us all as we turn to Him and trust Him with our life transitions!

    1. Esther Skoglund

      I too have struggled. There was no plan as to how to handle the home husband in my space. I am grateful but found it difficult at times.

  2. ThriveOnYourJourney

    I am blessed by the Bible plan you shared on YouVersion, Your home matters.
    And came by here.
    God bless you!

  3. This was an awesome poem. I too struggled with this new norm which surprised me. My home had been my sanctuary and I was able to take time with the Lord. I have struggled finding this time when my husband retired and is now home all day. But I had also come to the realization that I am glad I still have him after several deployments overseas and ponderings of giving up in divorce. Praise God for His mercies that are new every morning.

    1. Thanks for sharing your story. So glad it encouraged you! Praising God with you as you continue on your journey.

  4. Thank you Barbara for your beautiful, insightful words…. a loving reminder to my heart and mind to seek the nature of Jesus in all aspects of life and remain grateful for all my trials and blessings. Your invitation to be godly, wise women is empowering – time for women to spiritually rise. A change in our own heart will trigger positive impacts to our spouses, families, friends, neighbors, strangers and nation. Yes…let us be women of God (not women of the world) – “May it be so for each one of us, Lord!”

  5. daughter of the King

    My recently disabled husband and all his assistive devices are underfoot and “in the way”. He is crabby most of the time because he cannot do what he wants and needs to do. A very sudden change for us that we were not ready for. Home health and therapists in the house every day. No privacy. Oh, Jesus, I need MORE than everything…. Thankfully, You promise more than we can ask for or imagine. He does never leave or forsake me.

    1. Barbara Rainey

      I’m so sorry for this significant interruption in your life. But also grateful to hear your heart choosing to trust God with all the inconveniences.
      God will guide and be near.

  6. WOW! Thank you for your honesty and the absolute solution for all of us. I am divorced and now alone but that’s my Answer, Him , borrowing from Him. Loves, Betsy

  7. Thank you Barbara for the beautiful prayer/poem! Just what I needed today and dovetails with the sermon at our church yesterday! Being holy means being Christlike!

  8. Rosie Patterson

    How wonderful to read my thoughts as written and shared (because of our mutual personal relationship with our Lord GOD. Boy, can I relate to every single word written in this blog. Thank you for sharing it and posting it and sending it to me! May our holy and loving GOD bless you for being obedient to HIM in your business and daily walk.

  9. Thank you for this timely post and for sharing your heart. “I’d rather have him and his messes than not have him at all” hit home for me. Thank you for the reminder, as I’ve been struggling with keeping a cleaner home lately. But I’d rather have my family AND a mess than the opposite. :)

  10. Shirley Bauman

    Amen & amen!!! I needed that encouragement today! Having my husband home all the time has its perks . . . and adjustments! Thank you for being so honest and open . . . I have always respected you & Dennis for being real! Blessings!!!

  11. Oh Barbara – your poem could have been written by me (if I had the talent to express my thoughts as beautifully as you)! My thoughts, feelings, frustrations, neediness, dependence on God’s grace and provision . Thank you for (seemingly) taking all of that and putting it down on paper in prayer. I will keep it and re-read it again and again. Bless you in this new chapter (and new challenges!) of life. Wish we could sit down and share a cup of coffee and some heart-fellowship together! I will be praying for you!

  12. Dear Barbara:

    Thank you so much for this blog post! Even though I am in the early stages of empty nesting and having my husband home more and more, I have felt those exact same feelings you described. But you also helped me to turn to the Giver and Sustainer of my marriage. It is definitely transitioning, as is seems like so many areas of our lives. And each transition my husband and I seem to deal with differently. There are VERY few voices out there sharing what you did in this blog, so thank you again for sharing!

  13. wow…”Borrowed” …perfect. I’ve shared the home space with hubby for 4 yrs, since he
    “retired” , and now works from the kitchen table. I’m feeling less guilty for thinking that sharing spaces changes MY routine in the home more than I like.Thank you for helping me feel a bit more normal in this new “season in life”. Yes, I too ,think of how much MORE difficult life would be without him.

  14. Thank you for these words. I’ve struggled since I retired last May with looking forward to coming home and completing tasks I hadn’t been able to do while working and my husband is underfoot 24/7 as he is semi-retired. I, too, was used to “summers” being my time to deep clean, spruce up our home, relax, etc. and now he is constantly here to the point I no longer can sit down and play the piano as it’s in “his TV space”, run the sweeper, etc. I was getting very frustrated and depressed and have longed to go back to work where I felt I had some control (I was a teacher). Your words helped me better see and understand this stage of my life and appreciate that I can share it with my husband. It’s not about me, but what God has in mind. Thanks so much for helping me get a new glimpse of God and His purpose for my life.

    1. Beth McClerren

      Struggling too. I too am a retired teacher….actually….just “up and quit” teacher…too young (53) to actually retire. Some days I feel like I have lost my identity, and the respect I felt from others when I was a teacher. Even longing for those days again . I can relate to your words. My husband did not entirely support my decision. I became a mom late in life and have a precious 9 year old boy. God bless!

      1. Barbara Rainey

        Beth,
        Yes you are young at only 53!
        I’m sure you are/were a great teacher too but honestly I agree you made the right choice to be with your son full time. Only YOU can be his mom and he needs you more than he will ever say. And God will use your teaching gifts to help and coach him in the next nine years before he leaves home.
        Transitions are hard but God is with you and in this.
        Grow your son into a godly man. It’s the greatest investment you can make with your life!
        Barbara

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