A lesson I’m still learning, but understand more clearly with each decade of life, is that fixing my circumstances is rarely the answer to reducing stress.
The “whens” were a repeated refrain for me for decades, beginning when our children were all little. Life will be so much easier when she sleeps through the night, or when the littlest one is out of diapers, or when he can tell me what he needs and wants, or when they are all in school, etc, etc.
It seemed so reasonable, so logical.
Then my goal line moved and with big kids I said to myself: When full time parenting is over … when all my kids are grown and on their own … then I’ll be so much more relaxed, have more time to myself, and feel a lot less stress.
There was always this horizon just ahead which I assumed would mean smooth sailing. It took me a long time to understand it’s not just circumstances that bring stress. The bigger problem was my heart wants heaven on earth.
Somehow for most of my life I didn’t see the very clear declaration Jesus made in John 16:33: “In this world you will have tribulation” (other translations substitute trouble). And Job 5:7 tells us, “man is born to trouble.” These verses are not my favorites, but they are true and they aren’t the only ones reminding us this world is not an easy place in which to live!
I’ve always wanted “Happily ever after.” Haven’t you? I even tried to achieve that in our little family in our little corner of the world. But even our best efforts resulted in more pain and difficulty than I ever imagined.
Why? Because our world is infected by sin. Trouble and stress are just two symptoms of the disease which plagues our planet.
God also knew that the bubble of peace and paradise I longed to create, if I had succeeded, would have left me without a felt need for a Savior and therefore with no hope for heaven.
Today I know more of God’s truth and His ways, and I am also more patient with His work than I was 20 years ago. In this empty-nest season, the state of my soul can still know stress. I naively thought the empty nest would mean more time for me and more time for my relationship with Dennis. And though that’s been true in some ways, it’s also been much harder and more difficult than either of us expected, especially since “retirement” from a lifetime of leading FamilyLife.
In mid-October this year, I found myself dreading the coming weeks. I, who have loved holidays my whole life, am now in the place of wishing life would slow down because I’m not ready for the stress that comes with preparing for these big annual events, even though they are always worth it. There are solutions, like cutting back on decorating or baking, which we don’t need anyway. But that too requires evaluating and decision-making which takes energy and can create stress.
In the midst of this wishing time would slow, I remembered I was not taking everything, and I mean every single little thing, to God. I realized I was trying to figure out solutions on my own or strategizing how to solve this dilemma when I need to pray first about EVERYTHING.
The verse that literally was the word from God to my heart (and led me to surrender to Jesus as my Savior as a college student) was Philippians 4:6-7, “Be anxious [stressed] for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, shall guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus” (NASB).
The best way to manage stress is to practice this verse … EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. Thanksgiving is coming, so start practicing this verse as a way to be thankful and to see God work in your heart.
The bottom line is there is no escaping stress regardless of your season in life. The good, even best thing about stress is that God wants to use it to help us experience more of Himself. He wants me and you to have a personal encounter with Him more today more than we did yesterday.
A little poem I found by Annie Johnson Flint summarizes well the feelings of our common stress.
Pressed out of measure and pressed to all length;
Pressed so intently it seems beyond strength.
Pressed in body and pressed in soul;
Pressed in the mind till the dark surges roll;
Pressure by foes, pressure by friends;
Pressure on pressure, till life nearly ends.
Pressed into loving the staff and the rod;
Pressed into knowing no helper but God.
God wants the normal and supernatural stresses of life to press me into Jesus. Therefore pressure, trouble, difficulty, and every other synonym for this commonality of life can be good. Even very good. Trusting God by practicing Philippians 4:6-7 doesn’t change my circumstances. It changes me. And that is what God desires most for me, that I become more and more like Jesus!
Happy Thanksgiving … and may you know more of Him every day this month and next!
