“What lust is for men, comparison is for women,” said my friend Joanne. She is right. The perpetually ugly sin of men, even old men, lusting after women has been exposed recently…again and again and again…in dozens of powerful men.
We rightly say it is evil, selfish, an abuse of power.
But do we women see our perpetual self-loathing, our self-comparison with every image, every friend, every woman regardless of age as ugly? Selfish?
We do not.
The beauty of aging brings a lessening of the relentless competitive comparison trap. But while my criticisms of my body, my face, my weight, my abilities, have become less frequent and harsh, still they have not gone away.
So what do we women do?
- Admit our constant comparison is an ugly sin that hurts God’s heart, rejects His love, and dulls the light of His glory, the beauty of holiness He desires to light inside each of us.
- Ask God to make us aware of every single glance and thought of comparison as we walk the grocery store, church, and restaurant aisles.
- Speak a simple repentant prayer every time criticism or coveting arise in your heart as you scroll through social media. “Forgive me Lord for thinking myself better than this woman, or less than that women, desiring what you have not chosen to give me”
- Thank Him that He made you as you are for reasons He knows are best.
- Ask the Creator God who made you to give you His admiration and satisfaction with His intentional design.
In His famous sermon on the mount, a hillside that offered a spectacular view of the Sea of Galilee, Jesus explained that adultery was not a sin only if sex was performed, but He took it to the heart saying, “But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matthew 5:28).
Number ten on the list God wrote with His finger on stone tablets, “You shall not covet…anything that belongs to your neighbor” (Exodus 20:17). Wanting, desiring, longing for anything someone else has is a sin of the heart.
Do you desire to please God? Would you like to make Him happy? Here is how to do that in 2018.
“Do not look on…appearance…stature… For the LORD sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance but the LORD looks on the heart” (I Samuel 16:7).
Make heart change your resolution for 2018.
- Nuture your marriage (reject selfishness)
- Forget not (count daily goodnesses)
- Be still (choose to pause and listen)
- Flip the Script (practice “I get to,” reject “I have to”)
- Embrace your body (give thanks for His design)
I came across this site through the Youversion reading plan “Your home matters”. Didn’t realised initially that it was aimed more at women, but have found it helpful to have a better understanding of what affects my wife and how I might just be able to make things better for her. This ‘comparison’ issue is still a big thing in her life, (not that I would dare suggest it) even after over 40 years of marriage. I pray she will also come across sites like this. Thanks you. Blessings
I taped this on the bathroom mirror to serve as an aid for the renewal of my mind in this area. Thank you!
I struggle with never feeling as though I am “enough” in any respect. Comparison have crept into my life in a big way this past year; almost over night. Reading this post makes me feel comforted and encouraged that I am not alone with this type of pain and “loneliness”. Thank you for your words.
Love your insight, bible reference, and suggestions. Thank you!
I absolutely love this!
Thank you Barbara. Very encouraging and convicting words.
AMEN and AMEN!